Moving Day

Autumn Foerderer
4 min readMay 5, 2021

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Thursday, April 29, 2021

It is moving day! I have had a headache all morning, so I stayed back to rest at the hotel. I always get scared when I have a headache as I think the tumor may be on the move. It may be growing, but I just had an MRI and what they saw (if they saw anything) certainly was not large enough to cause this headache. And it’s not a COVID headache, because I do not have any other COVID symptoms. I did freak out a bit though when I walked into our hotel kitchen and saw our golden doodle had pooped overnight on the tiled flooring. I freaked because he never messes and then I realized I could not smell it which is a telltale sign of COVID. I quickly rectified that by grabbing my jasmine lotion and taking in its fragrant scent. I guess my dog and I simply caught a bug.

I texted my mom this morning about it being our big move-in day and told her I had a head-cold thus my reason for staying back at the hotel to rest. She said that I should put a cold washcloth on my forehead and soak my feet in hot water. I already had a cold wrap around my neck which was providing some relief but had not thought to soak my feet. So, up I went and filled the tub with piping hot water and added a large dose of Epsom salt. I felt better within minutes — well enough to wash up and get myself dressed. The headache is slowly coming back, but I know I cannot sit with my feet in hot water forever, but it was a nice reprieve.

Monday, May 3, 2021

It has been a few days since I have written. We are moved in! The house was beautifully cleaned and we have had four successful sleeps. They have been incredibly restful nights in our scrumptious king size bed. The first three evenings our dog did not dare jump off for fear of the unknown, but he did venture off last night. He is becoming more accustomed to “his” bed residing here.

Tuesday, May 4, 2021

I am nervous this morning. I had a realistic sensation of an aura while making coffee. Panicked, I thought, “I may have a seizure coming on and since I am recognizing it, I should use my app “SeizAlarm,” to notify Andrew. He was interviewing someone at the time, so he did not respond immediately. Thankfully, it was not a seizure. I usually cannot notify anyone beforehand by any means whatsoever. My body simply stiffens, and I get sucked inward and disappear.

I enjoyed an excellent day yesterday. On Sunday, Andrew put up all the bird feeders. The entire back room is floor to ceiling windows with wild “woodsiness” going on outside. The creatures are enchanting to watch. I spend a lot of time ruminating while spying on all the activity: birds, squirrels, rabbits, cats…

On Sunday, I had another grand mal seizure on the kitchen floor. I think I am still recovering from it. I have agreed to only work physically 1 to 2 hours a day on the house which makes it hard to get anything done, but the fear of having another seizure keeps that boundary in place. We are not certain what the culprit is that is causing them to come more frequently. The brain tumor is not growing that we can see. When I was working with the Cleveland Clinic many years back, their top surgeon told me that there is little to no correlation between tumor growth and seizures once there has been a craniotomy as its epicenter changes. With that in mind, the bike I requested for Mother’s Day: I am retracting that now.

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Autumn Foerderer
Autumn Foerderer

Written by Autumn Foerderer

Ramblings from a broken brain: stage IV brain cancer: giving up the life I planned, greeting the one waiting for me: thoughts, anxieties, hopes, dreams: LIFE.

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